Bananas and Peanut Butter... My saving GRACE!

Borrowed from knackfornutrition.com

Following the Insanity plan means that I have to learn a new diet.  This is rather frustrating, because between caring for five kiddos, soccer, my Doula business, and the million other things I do - like clean house... I just don't want to take the time to get to know everything all at once.

One easy meal that I've discovered is an oldie, but goody.  The peanut butter and banana sandwich!

I take Ezekiel bread, Kirkland's natural peanut butter and sliced bananas to make a quick, healthy and yummy lunch in minutes.  In fact, If I just cut that in half, then I'd take care of one of the smaller meals in my five meal plan, and it only takes a couple of minutes to throw it together.  And believe me... with a big active family, time is of the essence.

The picture I use here is borrowed from another website, because I scarfed down my lunch today in my excitement to get the babies to bed and get to work.  But my sandwich had a top and a bottom, and no cinnamon.  Although... I think I will try the cinnamon on my next go-round.

Today I am sore... all over.  Every move is pain.  BUT, I feel really good.  The baby is actually starting to sleep better with my diet change, and I'm getting some awesome nutrition from Shakeology.  I've been feeling happy and energized, and on top of all that... I'm down a couple more pounds!  This is my third day, and weight is dropping fast.

To be honest... I kind of expected the weight to drop fast the first week and a half.  That's normal for me.  The real test will be in a couple of weeks, when it has slowed down a bit.

For now... I'm sore, but excited.  And I know, that although I whine my way through my 6am morning workout... I can do this.  I just keep repeating that mantra.  I can do this.  I can do this!

Insanity is whooping my... um... tail...

So... I started Insanity yesterday.  I'd LOVE to say that I made it all the way through the first day fit test, but I didn't.  I'm a pretty tough gal... but about 2/3's of the way through, my stomach was on fire, and I felt like... well... suffice it to say that I became extremely nauseated and had to stop.  I was SO frustrated with myself.  I HATE stopping... and if there's one thing I'm not... I'm not a quitter.  I mean... I didn't expect to do amazing or anything, but I did expect to do better than that.  Oh well...

This morning, I got up at 6am and did the second day cardio workout, and... let me tell you... it is absolutely INSANE!  There is a reason they call this workout Insanity.  I swear...  the person who came up with this exercise routine is definitely insane... and I guess you could say that I'm insane for actually trying it.  I about died half-way through, and definitely finished half-a... (well... you get it... :)  I just kept telling myself, "If Anna can do it, I can do it."  

Yes, I'm VERY competitive... and if I have to tap into that to make myself finish these nasty little workouts... then that's what I'll do... I'm competitive, and I hate to lose... well, in this case... I'd LOVE to :)  (Couldn't resist that one!)

When I did my weigh-in yesterday, I was upset with myself, because I had gained more like 6 or 7 pounds, give or take a few... mainly give... (sigh).  So... (and I'm so embarrassed that I'm even putting this AND my picture out there in the public...)  I weighed in yesterday at 151.5 pounds.  *GASP!!!!!!!!*  (And yes... I did make that the smallest font... hopefully you can't read that number...  EEGA!)  I worked so hard to lose all of that pregnancy weight... and here, I let several chaotic months, lots of stress, and loose eating cause me to lose a bunch of ground... so discouraging.

After two days of Shakeology and Insanity, I'm already down a few pounds, so... I'm grateful that the shedding has begun, and determined to keep at it... although... I'm REALLY dreading what Shaun T has in store for me tomorrow morning at 6am.  Ugh... Can you hear me groaning?  :P

On the verge of INSANITY!

That's it!  I've had it!  Sticking to a diet all by myself is just too hard for me right now.  This summer, I have gained five pounds.  FIVE POUNDS!  Okay... might not seem like much, but five can turn into 10, can turn into... well... you know...

So, I've made a HUGE decision.  I've decided to go the route of the insane.  I have signed up for Beach Body Insanity.  That's right.  I'm going to be working out insanely hard every morning with Shaun T.  And in addition to that, I'm trying out the Shakeology breakfast meal replacement.

Friends tell me... "You know, that's kind of extreme."  "It's probably only going to work for awhile, and then you'll gain the weight back."  

You know what?  Maybe I will gain the weight back... maybe I won't.  All I know is that I've battled depression this summer, and I'm tired of it.  Exercising makes me feel good, and as a result, I'm happy, and I am ready to be happy ALL the time.  

So... I have made the decision to:

1. Get my butt out of bed every morning to exercise (starting Monday).
2. Drink my breakfast (via Shakeology).
3. Follow the Insanity diet (allowing breaks to maintain SOME sanity).
4. Be a happier mama and wife.
5. And ENJOY the fact that Peanut Butter is on said diet.  (YAY!!!  Oh, how I have missed thee!)

It will be interesting to see how this plays out.  I'm going to put out weekly updates and pics in order to keep myself on task.  (Oh gosh... did I just say that?  Now, I'm REALLY gonna have to stick with it! ;)

I KNOW I can do this!  Now, I just gotta make it happen :)

Making A Run For It

What do you do when you realize that you just can't stick to one way of eating for awhile?  Exercise, of course!

I signed up to run a half marathon with some girlfriends recently.  And I'm discovering that when you don't run as often as you are supposed to, and follow 'the plan'... that it really hinders the ability to make that weekly long run that just gets longer... and longer... and LONGER.

I live on top of a mountain.  Today, realizing that I was behind in my running, I decided to run down and up the mountain at least twice, which is over a mile.  I've never actually done this before, and you see... I'm from the plains of Texas, where a hill is really more like a bump that you can't see over when you're driving.  So when I went outside and started to run down the mountain, I almost fell flat on my face when the mountain quickly started to carry me down... almost to my knees... it was so fast.

The fun part came once I turned around to make my way back up... I think there's a reason why they say you "climb" a mountain.  I really don't think they were meant to be run.  I made it half-way up before I started to feel like my lungs were going to explode and my thighs and knees were ripping with pain.  Somehow, I made it to the top of the mountain between running and walking and half dying on the way!

Don't ask me why... but I did it a second time.  Only made it half-way up that time and had to stop and catch my breath, knowing that I was two seconds from hitting a dead faint with the sun beating down hard on me in the early afternoon. (And NO, I'm NOT being dramatic!  LOL)

Needless to say, I will not be running the driveway again.  Climbing? YES.  Running?  NO WAY!

The good news is... after another 3 1/2 mile run today, I believe I've earned a bit of reprieve.  I'm enjoying a nice cocktail with my hubby, virtually guilt-free, and slowly starting to feel the pain seep into my muscles.

Pain... sweet pain.  Actual proof of me actively trying.  Right?

Diet Breaking Paul Bunyan Style

I'm on vacation. This simply means... No holds barred when it comes to wetting my appetite with delectable all-American food and hanging with old friends.

We stopped over at a local venue here in the heart of the Twin cities (I LOVE to support local!). One swipe over the menu and I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted the Blue Ox bacon beef burger. My mouth watered just at the sound of it. Blue for bleu cheese, and Ox for beef... Right?

WRONG. I don't know how I didn't catch it. I mean... My kiddos have that old Disney movie about American legends. Blue Ox is Paul Bunyan's pet. Oh. So, who is Paul Bunyan? He's virtually a GIANT!!!

Now, what does this have to do with my lunch? My simple burger (which, might I add... I was sharing with my 7-year-old...) was INSANELY HUGE!

Check it out.

Talk about being in burger heaven! I only ate half, but boy was it yummy! Even with half of it down, they still had to roll me out the door when I was done.

But was worth it :)

The Correlation Between Broken Tea Cups and Diet Breaking

I'm BA-AAAACK!  I've enjoyed my blogging hiatus with my sister, who came to visit for the summer.  She was absolutely fabulous and amazing, and... of course... for quite a bit of her visit, the diet was out the window.

This summer, I was busy immersing myself in what my friend, Bridget, calls "blessed monotony".  You know... time where you just don't plan parties or visits or writing blogs or... plan much of anything.  Just be.  Wherever that takes you.

So... why broken tea cups?  What does that have to do with anything?  The other day, hubby was helping clean the kitchen (Yes... he helps do that domestic sort of schtuff... Thank GOD! :)  When he picked up one of my fav tea cups that had broken... and had then been repaired, he said, "You know what?  Your diet is just like a tea cup that has a little chip in it."  

"Seriously?"  (Couldn't wait to see just where he was going with that one.)  

"Imagine this tea cup is your diet.  You get one tiny chip in it.  You pick it up.  And then... you smash it against the wall and break it into a million pieces to finish the job!"

"You're diet is exactly the same!  You break your diet with one small thing during the day and say... 'To hell with it!  Might as well go all the way.' And then you spend the rest of the day 'enjoying' what you'll most certainly regret later."

You know what I realized?  He was absolutely RIGHT!  My diet IS like a tea cup.  Who knew?  What a great analogy.  For me, all it takes is one little slip, and then it's all over.

Let me give you an example.  And, oh yeah... today was a GREAT one!

Today was a rough day.  It's Monday.  (Gotta love Mondays.)  The house was a wreck.  I had paperwork backed up and covering the entire table.  The baby has a molar coming in and was screaming like a pterodactyl every other second.  Whiny four-year-old.  You get it.  

After taking the kiddos to the nursing home to see our lady friends, picking up another friend and then hitting the library with six kiddos, I made it back home utterly exhausted and tired, immersed in the tears of my 4-year-old, who was, unbeknownst to herself, REALLY missing her nap.  

I'd been good... so good... all day.  But... as good as I can be... the day called for one small piece of chocolate that I knew was hiding in the fridge.  So... I indulged.  Guilt free, chocotherapy.  

You know... If it had ended there, it wouldn't have been so bad.  But one piece of chocolate turned into an entire Hershey bar.  Which turned into eating pasta for dinner.  Which turned into chocolate chip cookies for desert.  Sigh.

All things said and done... I have a wedding to go to on Saturday, and a half marathon to train for, so I'm going to try to get back on the wagon.  Try to drag myself to the gym, and try to avoid all things chocolate.  At least until this weekend, when one of my best girlfriends is finally tying the knot.  

Now THAT'S a reason to celebrate :)

How Thin is "Thin Enough?"

It's no secret by now that I have some issues with my own body image.  For me, it is not "okay" to be overweight.  When I have extra fat on my body, I am not beautiful... well... at least when looking through my own 'beer goggles' (as they say)... that's what I think.

Right now, I'll be honest, I weigh pretty close to what I weighed when I was in high school.  I've never been ultra thin.  Only a couple of times have I even fit into a traditional size 6 and had room to spare.  I remember looking at girls in high school and being so jealous at how thin they were.  To me, they were beautiful because of their size. 

I grew up in a large family and have nine sisters.  Yes, you heard it right... my parents had ten girls... NO BOYS!!! (Talk about an ABUNDANCE of 'horror'-mones!)  The majority of my sisters and my mother are what many would call overweight.  It's been that way since childhood, which is where I know issues with my own body image began.

I do have a couple of sisters that are much more petite than I am, and when they would step on the scale, they would be 115 or 125 pounds.  Me?  When I hit 131 pounds a couple years ago, I had several people ask if I was becoming anorexic.  But, confusingly enough (and yes... I just made up that word), the number is what I focused on.  Young me in high school heard girls complaining about being 125, and all I could think of is... I'm 142.  I must be FAT!

I think most women and yes... even men... have a number on how thin is "thin enough."  For me?  Now that I'm out of High School and I've had five children, my number is 135.  My ideal weight?  131.  That's the perfect number.  If I get to 131 pounds, then I don't have to worry about which pose to make for the camera, because nothing is exaggerated so much that I think I look 'fat.'

Talking with some friends this week, I've seen that we all seem to have our own 'beer goggles' or should I say 'body goggles', where we look at ourselves with a distorted vision and assume that we're never 'thin enough.'  At least... that's what the world thinks... right?  We fall out of touch with reality.  Essentially, it comes back to that magic number.  The perfect number... the perfect size that we are aiming for.  

You know what's really funny?  In the past, I've been larger than I am now (especially after having babies) and couldn't wait to get back to my current size (which is 145).  Before, 145 was definitely 'thin enough.'  But now that I'm here... it's not good enough.  I still need to get back to that perfect number.  Nothing above it will suffice... at least that's what my 'body goggles' tell me.

So, really... how thin is 'thin enough'???  Honestly?  The answer is simple.  It all comes back down to body image.  (Doesn't everything???  Ugh...)  Being thin will never be good enough if I can't accept the body I've been given and realize that I'm loved and beautiful regardless of my size.  Skinny doesn't equal pretty.  It's soooo easy to therapatize myself on this issue. (Yes... I LOVE this new made-up word ;)

In all seriousness... I actually love who I am.  (A first for me in many regards.)  Now I just need to focus on learning how to love the body I'm blessed with.  Then maybe I'll finally reach the point where numbers won't matter. 

They say that the 'furthest distance a man has to travel is the eighteen inches from his head to his heart.'  I get this, and am eager for the day when my heart will finally come to realize that I am beautiful because of it's size... not the number on the scale.